I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
