dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
