i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
