I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
