Whoa Z and x make the same sound
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
