You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
