You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
