Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
