Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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