I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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