Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
