I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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