So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
i've created a new STD.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
