She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
