Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
