He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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