Need sex. Gaining weight.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
