she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize