I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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