idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
