i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
