u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
