I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You ate ashes out of my bong
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
