I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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