I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
