woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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