You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
