Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
