I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
