I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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