Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
