I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm at about main and main street
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
