Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
