Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
