My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
