You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
