Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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