Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Sext me about skeletons
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
