Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
