So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
