Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
