um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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