God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
