Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize