i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
