So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
