why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
