I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I don't deserve a penis
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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