so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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