i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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