You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
