so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I need to sanitize my soul.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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