okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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