Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
