Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
