What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
