I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
