I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
