Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
