I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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