You really coming over, don't trick.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
