It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
