Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
