a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Please don't give away my fajitas
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
