Already got asked if we're dating
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
