Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
