In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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