Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize