I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
