I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
