you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
