I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
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