So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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