I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
