Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
