I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
this boner is exhausting
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
