But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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