come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
