If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You're like the curious george of whores
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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