I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i dont even know how to be here
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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