If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just threw up on my dentist
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
