i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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