I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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