I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
i think my cat just said my name.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
